...speaking from my heart

...i've asked my staff to arrange a talk session with all PhD students yesterday...the announcement was made about 2 weeks ago and many students have confirmed their attendance...but i just came back from my medical leave and no time to prepare the slides for my presentation...so a bit of a dilemma whether to proceed or to cancel...i didn't want to dissapoint the students...so i ended speaking from my heart...it was a spontaneous presentation...said anything that came across my mind...yeah it was a bit disorganized but i guess speaking from our heart are sometimes more meaningful...hope so

is it worth the sacrifice?

...we've set the target to become not only the top b-school in Malaysia but one of the World top 100 by 2015...it's quite an ambitious dream...but I’m confident we can do it...so we all work very hard since beginning of the year...all the planning, execution and changes to the way we run our school really suck up my energy...i ignored the headache and back pain i felt over the last few weeks just to make sure everything runs as planned...suddenly i felt unusual headache last Thursday...and i just can't standing proper...went to the clinic to find out that my BP has shot up pretty high...took rest on Friday and Saturday to ease the BP...went to clinic again on Sunday to do full medical check-up...BP still didn't go down....worse ECG result showed weird pattern...gosh this is serious....consulted heart specialist...Alhamdulillah no blocking but the heart muscle is thicker than the normal size...was advised to take few days break...so i switched off the phone and went back to Kelantan....just relax...it is not worth the sacrifice...remember one of my colleagues told me few weeks ago...'be selfish sometimes...don't work too hard...you must learn to let go'...hmm i guess I have to follow his advice...

they love justin...

...my daughters, three of them, like many other girls, are crazy about Justin Bieber...especially my second daughter...everything is about Justin, he's cute, he's cool, he's smart bla bla bla...i guess that's normal...i have my own idol when i was a kid...she's a girl of course...wanna know who? nehh...i'm not gonna tell ya...that's my secret ha3..but i can tell she's very very beautiful...forget about it...one day my daughters asked me to buy them a book...book about Justin Bieber of course...i said no at first becos the book wasn't cheap...but they were just lucky...the shop offered 30% discount that day...so i bought one...lucky them...but my youngest daughter doesn't understand English...pity her...so she just admired the pictures...getting bored...one day she asked me to read and translate her the book...i was a bit surprised becos the book wasn't just about music or glamour...there are many good lessons too...about BIG dream...hard work...perseverance...friendship...team work...and many more but i really like this one...Justin wrote: "Grandpa told me...you can lose without feeling like a loser. If you take the experience and learn from it, you're still coming out ahead of where you were before..."...good one Justin...

feeling down...

...i always fight and work hard all my life......my mum is a fighter too...raising up her children (4 boys and a girl) alone was never easy...but we, as a family, did ok and continue to survive...thank you mum...(my dad was a great guy too but God loves him more, so He took him away from us when i was 13)...my school and university days were not easy too but i survived and did well...later as an academic, i used to lead four research projects and write seven articles at the same time...it was very hard but i still did it...my wife said i'm a workaholic...yes she's right...and i know she hates me too (i love her anyway) for working so hard day and night...but i never work for rewards, i just love what i do...i know i can do it no matter how hard it would be...i just need to fight myself......i took up many different challenges in my life and survived...but now i feel so down and hopeless...it is a feeling i've never felt in my whole life...i just fail to do what i wanna do...what i believe...but what makes me feels really sad is the fact that i know, together, we can actually do it...we just need to believe and work hard...personally i've tried my best but i just can't do it...i simply can't do it alone...i need people, together, to share the same belief...to sacrifice and to work as hard....like what my buddy said..."we should learn from our five fingers in one hand, they're different in sizes but together they can achieve a mutual mission of punching somebody!"...gedebushhh gotcha....sayonara...i need a break now...see ya again

when everything goes wrong...

...have you ever had a day when everything goes wrong?...i had a back pain and a big headache since early morning...even panadol couldn't reduce the pain this time...then the first thing i had to deal with when arrived my office was...a student waiting for me to help him solve his problem or problems to be exact...pity me...followed by a short meeting at 10am...then came another head cracking case which i need to solve before heading for lunch and a couple more panadols...office engine also didn't work well...my officers are on leave...leaving behind so many backlogs...goshh...i wish i could fire them all...headed for another meeting at 2pm...the first person to arrive...but the secretariat only arrived (slowly one by one he3) at 2.20pm to find out that the meeting room was still locked...finding key took another 10 minutes...then all the preparations for the meeting...the setting up of the wifi & presentation slides took another 15 minutes...arghhhh....just can take it anymore...as always, i left the meeting early...but of course after i've said what i wanna say he3...they must hated me for being so blunt (sorry i was just telling the truth)...but i can be kind too...so i guess that would make up my bluntness...stopped by at the petrol station on my way home...somehow the petrol card didn't work...had to go to the counter and que which was ok...then went to pay my bills...but this time i had to deal with a dumb cashier...i've mistakenly gave him RM200 for the RM78 bills...and he assumed i wanted to make extra/advance payment (without asking me)...so no balance back...it was my mistake not his...gerrr...really not my day...try to keep cool but i just can't...arghhh...thank God its night time now...night time is always reflection time...time to smile of the good things i did and of course to regret of the bad things i did/said...please forgive me if i hurt you guys...it was just one of my bad days...remember reading books written by sheldon kopp...the theme was about whatever your situation, good or bad, things are about to change. if things are so bad, then wait...pause...take a break to stop that momentum...it will get better. if things are so good and you think you have finally made it through the bad stuff, then wait too. things may fall apart once more...so it is just one of the days...like a wheel...ain't it...good night guys...